were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
