you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
