there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
