I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
