did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
