I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
