When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
