One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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