I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
