I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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