i think my tv is drunk
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
