he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
