What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
