I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
