glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
