Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
