My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
