I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
