You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
