I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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