he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
