Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
