How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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