??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
