we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
