just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
