nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
