Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
