His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
