I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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