aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
