I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
