i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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