I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
