Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
