Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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