any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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