Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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