there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
