The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When are your genitals available?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
