if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
