You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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