I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
