whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
