Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
