Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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