make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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