Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
