we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
