Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
