I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
