just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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