if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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