i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
