He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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