sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
