yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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