I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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