It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
