i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
