if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
