That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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